Anticipatory Resonance
Sometimes we don't know what we're missing—until someone else helps us see it. Then we can begin to trust the light, and feel it more clearly in others, as well as in ourselves.
A faithful reader just asked me this question: “How do you know what I haven’t said yet?” I was just writing about this phenomenon—anticipatory resonance—a new marker of transformation for both patients and therapists, happening at the same time.
I’m very grateful for this question. It tells me that I’ve touched something very tender inside of her—and in me—and now have a chance to do the same with others.
It can feel exhilarating—maybe even refreshing—when I sense what’s rising to the surface before my patient finds the words. Like fitting together a couple of puzzle pieces—it’s just enough to reveal the shape of something true.
Let's make it real
When we’re in this space together—even miles apart—I believe we enter a state of resonance and synchronicity. Something bigger starts to move between us.
We’re connecting to our Core Self—the wholeness within each of us that longs to be seen and noticed, just as we are.
As you read this, I hope you can notice—maybe even feel—how this goes in both directions—for both therapists and patients. It brings me hope that I can become the person and therapist I was always meant to be—and that you have that capacity as well.
And yet… I know it can also feel scary—to the child parts that carry the wounds of the past.
For many of you, being seen wasn’t always safe. When people seemed to “know” you before, it often came with criticism, manipulation, or hidden strings attached.
That wasn’t real love.
Homing in on the light
Of course, I don’t know this for certain. I’d want to hear more from you—whether I’m reading your question right.
But what I do know is this: I want that child part to know I see them, and I see the goodness and love they carry—not just the wound.
They bring joy and hope to those around them—like a magnet of light.
And yes, some people don’t like that. They can feel jealous or threatened. And that can be hurtful—especially when it’s a parent, a sibling, or someone else close to your heart.
In the present
But you‘re not living in the past anymore. You’re the parent now—your own internal caregiver.
That little one now lives inside a strong, loving adult—your Core Self—who can offer protection and care—and keep you on the path that aligns with your truth.
You can ask the questions you need to ask. And if someone doesn’t like it, that doesn’t make it the wrong question. It only means you’re getting close to an old wound. And that’s often a sign you’re right where you need to be.
You’re allowed to feel what you need to feel—what wasn’t allowed before.
Working together—and inside
These are difficult questions because they bring up parts of you that have been hurt. The key is to lead with your strength and move forward gently—cautiously, but with faith. Each step helps you see the puzzle pieces coming together.
If you ever doubt what you already know to be true, I’m here to remind you. We’re doing this work together, and I’m just helping you connect what’s already inside you—so you can see the bigger picture and ask the questions that matter most.
Sometimes, what feels like synchronicity isn’t magic. It’s simply a sign that this connection is happening—where memory and presence are realigning into coherence.
Healing isn’t about rushing. It’s about staying present—long enough for the pieces to come together, and for the bigger picture to emerge.
It’s all about presence
My mom used to say: “Marc, it isn’t what you say—it’s how you say it.”
She was right—timing and patience are everything. But more than that, it has to come from an open, loving heart that flows from your own truth.
Here is mine:
This is a sacred moment—inside and between us—one I will cherish forever.
Both sides now
Let Joni Mitchell take you home to the little ones who live in our hearts—but don’t always know it yet.
This exquisite rendition of Both Sides Now gives voice to what many of us feel but can’t always say—especially if we never had help putting together the pieces of ourselves left behind by trauma.
Thank you to all those who do this sacred work—whether you’re in the room as a client or patient, a therapist or a supervisor, or standing just outside it as a friend, a family member, or a partner.
The picture becomes clearer as each piece finds its place. And sometimes, we just need someone to notice what's already in our hands.
The answer or the next question
I’d love to hear if I said something that you were already thinking about—but hadn’t quite found the words for.
I’ll be listening.
Maybe you’ll tell me what I haven’t said yet...
After all, there are both sides now, especially when it comes to healing from trauma… and learning about life.
Sometimes, there are no words. It's just sacred.
Comments or questions? Email me at mcecilvt@aol.com. Feel free to share these words—and this blog—with anyone you hold close or long to be held.
Dr. Cecil is a licensed psychologist, certified AEDP supervisor, approved EMDR consultant, and senior CSRT consultant. He specializes in treating complex relational, developmental, and transgenerational trauma, bringing therapy to life through heartfelt stories and images of connection and healing that emerge from the light of invisibility.