Do You Ever Feel Dumped On?
This piece is about asking the tough questions—the ones that arise in therapy and in life. They are important to both say and hear—for all of us.
We were just wrapping up a session when a dear patient asked a question that made me pause:
“Do you ever feel dumped on?”
I’m sure you’ve been there too. That question cuts right to the heart—not only of what she was struggling with, but of what this work is truly about—and what’s happening all around us.
We didn’t have much time left, so I simply said:
“Thank you for checking. I know there’s a part of you that fears you might be too much for others. But I also know that you know, in your Core Self, that you deserve to be heard.”
She nodded, and in her gentle, understated way, replied,
“I was just wondering.”
I smiled softly and said,
“Thank you for noticing something many people feel but rarely say aloud. It’s another one of those sacred questions we’ve named together. I have a feeling we’ll return to it. Your words will stay with me.”
I keep thinking about her question—not just what it meant for her, but what it stirred in me—and what it stirs in so many of us.
In the moment, it reminds me how easily we can carry shame for needing too much, feeling too much, or speaking too much. And how healing it can be when someone dares to ask if their presence is a burden—because in asking, they're already reaching for the truth: they are not.
It’s a question many of us carry, whether we speak it or not—not just our patients, but us. It’s not only whether we’re being dumped on—or dumping on others—but whether we are letting ourselves be fully present, without feeling responsible for fixing what was never ours to hold.
And yet, we often feel responsible simply for being ourselves—the person we were always meant to be. Someone who shows care by listening with our hearts and looking inside, even when it's hard to do—and by treating others the way we'd want to be treated.
For now, I need to get some sleep. But I’m pretty sure this conversation—like so many sacred ones—will return when it’s ready. Let’s shut off the news, and take a little time with it—and for ourselves—first.
Before closing my eyes, I whisper to the child part inside:
“Don’t worry, I got this one. It was never your job to fix or save your parents. You didn’t know that back then, but you now live inside my heart. Because of your question, I know what I want to ask them—and can imagine doing so.”
A bit later, almost without thinking...
“Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep…”
God bless my parents, my family, my patients—and everyone we've ever tried to be there for—who, in their own way, gave something back to us.
Maybe it's something we don't yet recognize—or something that was never even intended. Perhaps we all have—even those we struggle to love. Sometimes they help us see the darkness within ourselves that we need to see before we can see the light. I hope and pray we don’t become what we once stood against.
These days, I feel the weight of that burden so many of us are facing. But I still hold onto the hope of a new season—the quiet awakening of light coming out of the darkness. Let’s not forget the lost children inside ourselves—and let's reach out to those still lost, close to home and around the world.
And God bless Dar Williams for honoring therapy, and for helping to normalize the questions we don’t dare ask—but that life quietly calls us to answer—even at the end of a long summer when many head to the beach—to forget what's right in front of us—too painful to look at.
After watching this video, I hope you‘ll feel the courage to pass along what you’ve heard here—and the sacred questions and truths that live inside your heart.
Let us not forget. Let us not look the other way. We know how that story ends.
We’re listening. Our hearts await the light—not just after a stormy summer, but through all the seasons of life—every kind.
That’s what I hear in this sacred question. It's a voice that fills me up—not feeling like I'm being dumped on, but feeling the power of life and human kindness instead.
Just wondering... What do you hear in these sounds?
Sung live in Minneapolis, 11/11/2023— a sacred voice that carries the light of invisibility.
Comments or questions? Email me at mcecilvt@aol.com. Feel free to share these words—and this blog—with anyone you hold close or long to be held.
Dr. Cecil is a licensed psychologist, certified AEDP supervisor, approved EMDR consultant, and senior CSRT consultant. He specializes in treating complex relational, developmental, and transgenerational trauma, bringing therapy to life through heartfelt stories and images of connection and healing that emerge from the light of invisibility.