Elephant Work
A cornerstone piece at the heart of my work—offered in the hope that it helps you see yourself, feel truly valued, and remember the light inside.
Read or listen… This piece grew out of many years of walking alongside others—and myself. Maybe these words will help you remember something you’ve needed to hear… too.
A new elephant arrived quietly in my office a few days ago—a heartfelt gift from someone who felt my voice as it helped them feel their own… and heal from trauma.
I think of this gift as a representation of how this dear woman transformed through what some call elephant work—a therapy that comes out of and takes us home to the heart.
Those who appreciate elephants are always curious about what this means, while others might not say anything, implying there’s an elephant in the room—just look the other way.
Shining my light inside and between us, I know there’s something in the room—a wounded child part, perhaps—right in front of us, yet too painful to talk about… leaving us feeling alone.
I know what it feels like to be judged as someone we aren't—or aren’t given the credit we deserve because we’re different. Sometimes that can leave us feeling invisible, too.
Elephants help us hold this pain and undo the aloneness. They show us things that are important to talk about, even if we’re avoiding them… or don’t even know what they are.
I’m delighted to see the elephant in the room when we are graced with their presence. I think of what they do as an act of compassion that helps us remember our humanness. Although the tears may flow in both directions, there is often a light of hope that accompanies them.
I think of the elephant as a cherished creation of God—large in stature, surrounding us with their presence, feeling protected—like one of their own. They never forget who we are or judge us for the person we were… or are becoming.
That unconditional acceptance means a lot to me. It’s the belief in our value as people—which I believe is the key to good therapy and healing… even when the world around us forgets, or doesn’t know how to measure it.
To me, the elephant represents our Core Self—not something to hide, but to always remember: this is who we are… and who we were always meant to be.
The Core Self is our healing power, which helps others feel their presence within the experience of accompaniment. It represents our capacity for transformation and healing, but it exists and grows within relationships. It connects people—heart to heart—while still growing our own light inside.
Elephant work is about creating an experience where the person can take in the light of a true other who can help them see their own. It’s this light which they needed to bury because of past loss and trauma—often followed by fear and low self-worth coloring their lives.
Trauma isn’t just about what happened to us but what didn't happen—even though we didn't always know we needed it at the time. I’m referring to our attachment experience, which begins before we open our eyes… and later teaches us to close them when no one is looking or cares to see us.
Our resilience grows when there is a correction—eventually teaching us that we can express our needs and can do what we need to for ourselves—not just wait for someone to take care of us.
Good parenting is not about trying to make sure our children never experience discomfort. Like in therapy, it’s about helping the little ones learn that they have the capacity to comfort themselves—or to know when someone is safe to comfort them.
And because we can’t change what happened, it’s about stepping in on our own behalf to make an emotional and relational correction.
Over the years, I’ve come to know the elephant as a gift—both literally and figuratively. Like the special one pictured above, they are often a gift of gratitude for the work we’ve done in therapy—a gift to all who find the courage to accompany us on this journey… helping us find our own gifts inside.
This gift helps us see the pain we carry, so we can finally see the light that is there, too. One can’t exist without the other—the nachas and tsuris, the joy and the pain. Even though my dear parents would often say the latter in Yiddish to try to hide the pain, I usually could figure it out by what they didn’t say—or by what I was told not to talk about.
And as many know, our bodies often tell us what wasn’t spoken—and what still hurts.
Healing comes when we separate the joy from the pain, so we can see how what we feel and do now is different than in the past. Then, we can bring them together side by side, enabling the person to feel more whole again—not alone and stuck in a rabbit hole.
That’s our Core Self—our humanness—not perfect… but always perfectly human.
Being human is as good as it gets. It helps us know that even when things don’t go our way, we can ride the waves of our experience, and trust that they’ll take us where we need to go. If we slow it down and notice, we can learn something from everything we face in our lives.
Like in therapy, the learning goes in both directions. The unit of intervention and change is not just what we give, but what we receive. Therapists need accompaniment, too. And then we remember the words we once needed to hear—the same words others may need now.
Maybe you’re noticing something in the moment… or will be soon. Or perhaps you’re not noticing anything at all—which may be important to notice.
That’s elephant work, the model of therapy that grew within me over the years through my experience with many of you… and much more. It’s not just talking about trauma. It’s an integration of several healing models into my Core Self—where I can experience myself differently and make new meaning out of what got wired in from the past.
My work is now evolving into a model of therapy that best reflects ourselves—something I think many people have been looking for, but can't always find—not just therapists.
For me, Elephant Work has grown into a model that represents not only what I do, but who I am—who we all are. I call it Core Self Integration Therapy—CSIT for short. I think of it as a model of models—one that brings our models together and helps us learn from one another, rather than separating us further. And that’s my mission—my gift.
When I say the acronym, “seize it,” I remind myself to stay present in the experience—which informs what we need to target, and how things are changing from the past to the present, within and between us.
It’s about leading with the experience and tracking, moment to moment, what is happening inside ourselves and the other—wherever we sit in the room—inside and out.
Going back to the beginning of life and our human journey, the most important thing for me is to help people feel seen in the way they deserve to be seen—truly valued as people.
It’s not about following my model—but about seeing the light I'm holding up—the light of invisibility—so you can see the light of your Core Self, which guides you on your journey and helps others find their own light that’s growing inside of them.
Regardless of our sign, I’ve discovered—with myself and others, therapists and non-therapists alike—that leading from our Core Self allows the stars to align in just the right way.
The shadow becomes the light—a light that may once have been invisible. It’s our quiet strength that enables us to become our own internal caregiver. That’s the person we were always looking for and were born to be.
Our light is the key to the doors inside—the Museum of You. It’s a big museum that spans time and space—across generations. Each room is a mystery that holds the things we need to learn about ourselves that we already know to be true, but may not have been brought into awareness—at least not yet.
Finding the right door and the child part that still thinks they live in the past, enables us to do the work we need to and update our nervous system—the old wiring in our house we would like to call home.
Like many people, there were times I wondered if what I saw and felt would truly be understood.
Now I know that I don’t need to be famous. I just hope that the light will spread around the world, so more people will see it and feel the connection—and see themselves. We all need that right now. We always have, but didn’t always know it.
It’s our blessing… and our calling—to all those who live in our hearts, past and present—and in the future. Let our words sing out in truth for all to hear. That's our Core Self. We don’t always need to say it, but you know it’s there.
Still, it was nice to hear my dad say, “Pretty good for a little kid,” even after I got older.
The healing elephant is always in the room, standing in the background… with an aloe plant growing from their heart. They are there to witness and guide us toward the light—in the same way we do in therapy… and in life.
If we fall down and get bruised, the elephant helps us find our strength to stand tall again. Like wiping a tear from my wife’s eye, they offer a small leaf to soothe the wound—and celebrate who we’ve become. That’s our dance... and our model.
Seize the moment. The time for healing is now. Feel your light inside… and listen to what it tells you. With all of your courage and heart, shine your light on the world—and notice what you receive in return.
That's Elephant Work… and it means a lot to me—to all of us… no matter what we call it.
That’s our work… a work of hearts. It brings therapy to life and takes us home.
You’ve got it. No… we’ve got it. Our life depends on it.
Gratitude: With appreciation for those who have shared their light and sweetness with me over the years—and received mine in return.
Confidentiality note: This piece was inspired by someone close to heart, but is a composite of many people I know—inside and outside of therapy. Any resemblance to your own life or our shared experience is both coincidental and universal—reminding us that our stories echo one another in the fabric of human experience.
Comments or questions? You’re welcome to reach me at mcecilvt@aol.com. Feel free to share these words—and this blog—with anyone you hold close… or long to be closer to.
About me: Besides being a writer, Marc Cecil is a doctoral-level licensed psychologist, certified AEDP supervisor, approved EMDR consultant, and senior CSRT consultant. An experienced psychotherapist, supervisor, consultant, and teacher, Marc uses an integrated experiential model called Core Self Integration Therapy (CSIT)—grounded in our capacity for adaptive change—to help people heal from complex relational, developmental, and transgenerational trauma. Some refer to it as Elephant Work.
Dr. Cecil lives in Vermont near the shores of Lake Bomoseen, where his heartfelt stories and images of connection arise from the light of invisibility—bringing life to therapy and therapy to life.