In Good Company
This piece makes space for our joy—along with our pain—rather than running away from it. We’re in good company with others when we do the same for ourselves.
If you like, listen to me read this first and let it keep you company as you take in my words.
One thing that bugs me is the view that we need to take our sadness and loss away—by medicating it or doing something else to excise it from our body and mind.
I hear it all the time. It goes something like this: “I feel like I need to throw that part of me in the trash—and burn it.”
To me, that would be like amputating your leg when you have pain in it from time to time. If I did that, I wouldn't have much of my body left.
Unfortunately, changing our bodies has become an obsession in our culture, when the real issue is what’s going on inside—our thoughts, our emotions.
I keep going back to what Bessel van der Kolk says: the body keeps the score.
I work with a woman who calls me when her hip starts giving her pain. She‘s learned over the years that the ache in her hip is a sign that she needs to feel something, but there’s a part of her that learned early on to cover it up.
Whenever she spoke up for herself, she was put down or physically abused.
I’m sure you’ve heard people tell you or someone else, “Don’t be a baby. Stop crying, or I’ll really give you something to cry about.”
That’s the kind of message that gets wired in early on, where we learn to hide from ourselves. Later on, we can tend to get good at noticing the pain in others—but cover up our own.
Some even use it to control people by putting down those who express feelings different from their own—or actively take steps to get rid of them.
It doesn't fix the pain inside. It just creates more. The fear and shame linger—and spread to others.
I know I've just said a lot. I call it the painful truth—and it’s impossible to run away from. It keeps knocking on the door in many ways—even in our dreams.
A kind and gentle man recently shared with me that he’s having vivid dreams about being trapped in an apocalypse. The images are horrific, like a scene out of a Steven King movie. Lots of zombies. People running around, shouting, killing each other.
I can barely speak, holding back my tears.
No one is safe—not even the loving reindeer and seals on a peaceful island, with people raised in a culture that value life and the environment in a way we can all learn from.
Sound familiar? Got the picture? Turn off the news. Change the channel. Don't go to the refrigerator for a snack, or make a bag of popcorn—and watch more. It’s a horror show, and we don't need to feed the addiction.
Instead, splash some water on your face. Slick your hair back so you can see your face—your eyes. Take a moment to breathe. Move into the light.
Don't run away from the pain. Walk beside it and hold its hand. Keep it company.
Let the little ones inside know they are no longer alone and lost in the past. You are the person they grew up to be—and they live in your heart now.
In fact, you are your own internal caregiver, and if someone says or does something that is hurtful, you know what to do.
No need to act in a way that will make you feel shameful. You’re not aimlessly adrift in the ocean. You’re the adult now, steering the boat—and you know how to get home.
When you think about it, you're already there. And that’s the place you were always meant to be.
Yeah, you’re no longer invisible. Feel the light and let the warmth envelop you.
Feel the tears and appreciate your humanness. Talk to someone who can hold them with you and see your wholeness. Look for the warmth and compassion in people. It’s still there.
There are many who really care—but can forget what this means.
Now, more than ever, is the time to remember. That's the place you deserve to be. It’s what makes you who you are and will guide your way. Joy and pain living side by side.
It’s not going to be dark forever. The sun is already starting to rise. Time to wake up and get out of bed. Time to do something.
Look in the mirror. What do you see now? Don't cover your face or hide your feelings. No fear. March to the beat of your own drum.
That’s your Core Self—the first light, the person you were born to be—your own best company. Much better than good enough.
You’re not alone anymore. That’s our business. Time’s a tickin’—make it yours. We all really matter.
It may be only one piece of the puzzle. But it means everything.
We’re in good company.
Gratitude: In the light of the above photo, much appreciation to those who have shared their light and sweetness with me over the years—and received mine. It’s for all of us.
Confidentiality note: The stories above are composites of many that touch my heart. Any resemblance to your own life or others is both coincidental and universal—reminding us that our stories echo one another in the shared fabric of human experience.
Comments or questions? Email me at mcecilvt@aol.com. Feel free to share these words—and this blog—with anyone you hold close or long to be held .
Dr. Cecil is a licensed psychologist, certified AEDP supervisor, approved EMDR consultant, and senior CSRT consultant. He specializes in treating complex relational, developmental, and transgenerational trauma, bringing therapy to life through heartfelt stories and images of connection and healing that emerge from the light of invisibility.