The Last Question
There’s always another question. Come sit for a while and see what you hear.
Read or listen. You might even try both.
Recently, I started to end my sessions with this question: What did you learn about me today?
Like some of you may be thinking, a few clients ask, “Why?… What do I need to say I haven't told you already?”
Looking at me like I have two heads and should be sitting where they are, I tell them, “I know I’m different. This question says that I’m here too, and we’re doing this work together... And it doesn’t always feel comfortable.”
Seeing their expression change, I add, “I won’t really know what this work means to you until I know what you received from me. One way you can do that is by telling me how it has changed our relationship, and how you see me differently now.”
Then… some just give me an AI summary from their head of what they heard me say or what they think I want to hear. Not exactly what I asked for, but it gives me a clue that this is a hard question for them that they haven‘t heard much in their lives… if at all.
As I imagine a child in front of me, I check inside and ask myself, “What do they need to hear that will help them access what I believe they hold inside but haven’t been able to say before?”
Leading from my Core Self, I might ask, “What would you like to tell me that no one has ever said to you, but you’ve always wanted to hear?”
Suddenly, it feels like rain is in the air. I see them looking inward, their eyes darting back and forth like the wipers on my car during a light rain that‘s starting to come down faster.
Pausing to see what will happen, I consider just stopping and letting the storm pass. Instead, I connect to my heart and hold steady, trusting the process and myself.
Surprisingly, I hear a voice inside telling me, “Don’t stop now. You’re almost there... I feel like you see me and I don’t need to hide. I’m proud that I’m different. Those are my gems… not an illness of the mind I need to hide.”
Gazing softly into my client’s eyes, I speak from my heart: “I’m so glad you’re here. I know it hurts a part of you when I ask that question. I just want you to know that this work is about us. We’re doing this work together—that’s all. When you change, I change too. We’re both growing and growing together... Yeah, me too.”
Feeling the energy shifting inside and between us, the client says, “I get it now... When I think about what I learned about you, a child part feels annoyed to change the focus when we were just talking about me. But now I know that telling you what I’m learning about you is really a validation of what you’re learning about me. And that means I also have something to offer others.”
Delighting in their words, I reply, “Yes, exactly… You are worthy and have value, and you’ve got the courage inside to ask that question—and answer it too… Can you tell me what that is?”
Meeting my smile with theirs, they say, “You’re growing too.”
And for all of you… We can create a world where we can be with each other in an honest and authentic way, where we can acknowledge the growth in ourselves and others.
Imagine that…
Good to have you here seeing me as I see you. The circle of life is growing.
Wait… More to come. There always is... in the light of invisibility. The Core Self is always enough. The child has always been enough but didn’t know it. Perfectly human. And no one can take that away.
That’s enough for now. I need to get some rest. Tomorrow’s another day. I’m not going anywhere, but it might be somewhere I’ve been before. I don’t always remember until I arrive.
I’m not there yet. Just enjoy… and listen to the pain. At least be curious about it. That’s life and the way you were always meant to be. The pain and the joy sitting side by side may lead you someplace you need to go but didn’t always know.
Sound familiar? As the famous psychologist, Bob Newhart, says, “Stop complaining. Just do it.”
Maybe… but if it was that easy, you wouldn’t be here. And for those who aren’t familiar with the Newhart guy, he’s just a comedian on a TV show, not a real doctor. Sometimes people tell me that too, but being a heart doctor isn’t a matter of degree.
My wife reminds me of that all the time—PhD… just Piled Higher and Deeper.
To remember her loving words, I remind myself that I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m learning to drive my old car with a vibrant heart that is feeling much lighter in the moment. I often tell myself that I’m not getting closer to the end. Each day is a new beginning.
A little rustproofing before it’s needed doesn’t hurt either… Well, maybe a little.
The rain has stopped. Let’s play a bit. I see a rainbow. Kermit the Frog is my friend. We have a real connection. My tears show me that. I’m dancing with my daughter at her wedding.
So glad I didn’t go down the rabbit hole and need a tow truck to get out… Been there before. I’m wearing a different t-shirt now.
Waldo is tired. My wife always tells me to give it a rest when I’m on a roll. Pretty sweet. See you next time—maybe in my dreams… or yours.
One last question: What would you like me to know about you right now?
No… the experience is enough. What do you hear in these sounds?
The littles know… Let’s listen a bit and see where it takes us.
By the way, can someone help me get down from this shelf? Forgot my ladder. I don’t do much higher work these days.
What do you think? Maybe I need to do a little more… so we don’t forget what it means to be human.
Maybe that’s the most important question… or answer?
I’m having a hard time letting that be the end. Even when I’m not here someday, think of me… and I’m sure you’ll have lots of questions.
Without questions, there can be no answers.
Now I know more about me… and I hope you know more about yourself.
Let it be…
Dedication: To all those on this journey of heart, moving from room to room, remembering themselves—and who we are together, even when we feel alone or lost in a crowd… or don’t hear so well anymore.
Gratitude: With appreciation for those who have shared their light and sweetness with me over the years—and received mine in return.
Confidentiality note: This piece was inspired by someone close to my heart, but is a composite of many people I know—inside and outside of therapy. Any resemblance to your own life or our shared experience is both coincidental and universal—reminding us that our stories echo one another in the fabric of human experience.
Comments or questions? You’re welcome to reach me at mcecilvt@aol.com. Feel free to share these words—and this blog—with anyone you hold close… or long to be closer to.
Challenge: Notice your growing edge and hang out there a bit. See where it takes you and share it with someone close to heart. Sprinkle in a little Marc if you need it.
About me: Besides being a writer, Marc Cecil is a doctoral-level licensed psychologist, certified AEDP supervisor, approved EMDR consultant, and senior CSRT consultant. An experienced psychotherapist, supervisor, consultant, and teacher, Marc uses an integrated experiential model called Core Self Integration Therapy (CSIT)—grounded in our capacity for adaptive change—to help people heal from complex relational, developmental, and transgenerational trauma. Some refer to it as Elephant Work—standing solidly in the healing power of accompaniment.
Dr. Cecil lives in Vermont near the shores of Lake Bomoseen, where his heartfelt stories and images of connection arise from the light of invisibility—bringing life to therapy and therapy to life.
Stay tuned for more—as this living model continues to grow—with self-compassion leading the way around the world… and back home.