Real Time
All of us matter. Nothing better than that—in real time.
Look closely. Read or listen to this one. Notice how I make it real… and how you do, too.
I’m finally taking my kids’ advice of many years ago: “Get real, Dad.” My work has recently taken an unexpected turn—becoming more real by making some of the implicit connections between healing and time more explicit.
When I open my heart to my Core Self, I'm able to find the courage to help my clients find their own light inside, so the darkness can sit by its side—a wounded child part feeling the warmth, unfrozen from the past… coming home to the future. Although it feels kind of trippy, the dots connect in a real way that aligns with their lived experience—and my own.
I think of it as real time—the painful truth is in the light, no longer needing to hide.
Setting the stage with an individualized guided meditation that’s just as much for me as for them, I encourage my clients to lean into what they’re noticing inside. I then help them connect to the image or memory where the pain got stuck in the past… which makes it harder to face what they’re struggling with now.
Before moving forward in our work with any parts, I help them encode the connection in their heart—their Core Self—that shines the light from within… helping them separate the pain of the past from what they’ve always known to be true: they matter and are good enough.
I feel proud to voice that they matter… as they begin to loosen the grip of fear and shame on their lives.
Even if they can only see a glimmer, knowing that my light is shining on them helps them remember who they are, and that they can shine their own healing light on any of their little ones lost in time. As their own internal caregiver, they can then guide them back home to where they’ve always been but didn't always know.
With one of my dear clients who has inspired my work repeatedly over the years, she entered an old room where she felt abandoned, and where she didn’t matter.
The image that came up was a younger hand reaching out to an older one, as a child of three or four.
The older hand would not take hers, and it left her feeling alone—something that has stayed with her through time, until the light of her Core Self reaches the little one who finally experiences what has always been true: she matters… and always has.
In that moment, I notice her hand move to her heart. As she does, I encourage her to feel the child inside that she now knows lives there… no longer frozen in the pain of the past—back in real time.
She then begins to melt, with rivers of tears flowing as she hugs the little one with all of her might and fierce love… then feeling the hug back inside herself. In that moment, there’s a click of recognition that her younger self is back home… feeling safe now. Knowing for certain that she is truly her own internal caregiver.
Reflecting on her experience, this courageous woman shares that she actually felt like she had traveled through time. She was very grateful for me accompanying her—seeing and believing in her capacity to shine the light from her Core Self onto her wounded child part—now safely tucked into her heart… at home.
She knows it’s okay to say how she feels now, not worried that doing so will hurt others. Instead, trusting herself—knowing that it's often the most compassionate thing she can do for herself—as well as those she holds close to her heart.
It may sound trippy but it felt completely real. It was a breakthrough session for her… and myself. We both felt the exhilaration and the love inside and between—feeling deeply grateful, and wanting to share this experience with others in a real way. New meaning was emerging within that felt just right—and both of us could sit in this light together… knowing now my own truth as well as hers.
This light is a special kind of love, connecting us to our healing power inside, opening up new ways that we can bring it into our work and life. That’s the dance—moving forward or backwards in time to the beat of our own inner drummer. And even sideways a little, too—guided gently or guiding others in a way that fits… not perfect but perfectly human.
We recognize when the old pain begins to dissolve within our Core Self, so we know we are always safe in the home within ourselves. Every time we do this work, something changes—not only for us, but for the people we love and have lost that are still with us in our hearts.
Regardless of your experience, both therapists and non-therapists, I don't encourage you to do this on your own. It’s important to be accompanied by a guide you trust who knows this terrain, where a storm can pop up suddenly, or you’re still living in the place where the trauma happened… and may still be continuing.
A good guide doesn't take away your power, but can help you remember it and use it to help yourself and others. Then you can see the missing pieces of the puzzle—not going down the rabbit hole, but remembering what it all means in your life now. That’s the bigger picture. That doesn't mean reexperiencing the trauma, but making new meaning out of it… in a real way.
Then I know that people know I am different, realizing that we all are… in a good way. No need to hide your gifts. There's no time like the present. Yeah, it's a blessing. Whatever way you look at it… and wherever you're sitting in the room.
Therapeutic time travel is possible. I know it now, as me and my clients have experienced it together. The healing wasn’t simply knowing what happened or having insight about it. The truth arose from our experience together of bringing that younger part home that was lost in time—and making it real.
It’s not just the light within and between. It’s the light around us that helps us carry the experience through time… into the rest of our lives and beyond. Like a hug from the universe surrounding us—melting the frozen pain and setting us free.
Now I know what I see and feel is real. I’m not alone anymore… I’m becoming the person and therapist I was always meant to be.
Check and see what’s happening inside of you...
I know that so many are waiting to live in the light of invisibility. Like many of you, I'm grateful to be back home writing to all of you about my truth… unfrozen—living and being in real time.
With all of my heart, I can finally tell my kids that their “real” dad is back home. They’ll probably shake their heads and look at me like I lost my marbles, but I’ll just smile like I always do… knowing that’s our real time. Just dad time.
All of us matter. Nothing better than that—even the ice melting and water flowing in front of the big house on our 250th birthday... ready for whatever comes next.
As my daughter used to say, “Happy University.” It’s our 47th wedding anniversary, too.
We’re still learning… We may not always be in the same room, but the bridge within and between keeps us connected… through time.
Make it real… and celebrate yourself… your Core Self.
Enjoy the light.
Dedication: To all those who take the time to make it real—finding the solid trust inside ourselves and with others. May we continue to live in the light they help us see as possible.
Gratitude: With appreciation for those who have shared their light and sweetness with me over the years—and received mine in return.
Confidentiality note: This piece was inspired by someone close to my heart, but is a composite of many people I know—inside and outside of therapy. Any resemblance to your own life or our shared experience is both coincidental and universal—reminding us that our stories echo one another in the fabric of human experience.
Comments or questions? You’re welcome to reach me at mcecilvt@aol.com. Feel free to share these words—and this blog—with anyone you hold close… or long to be closer to.
About me: Besides being a writer, Marc Cecil is a doctoral-level licensed psychologist, certified AEDP supervisor, approved EMDR consultant, and senior CSRT consultant. An experienced psychotherapist, supervisor, consultant, and teacher, Marc uses an integrated experiential model called Core Self Integration Therapy (CSIT)—grounded in our capacity for adaptive change—to help people heal from complex relational, developmental, and transgenerational trauma. Some refer to it as Elephant Work.
Dr. Cecil lives in Vermont near the shores of Lake Bomoseen, where his heartfelt stories and images of connection arise from the light of invisibility—bringing life to therapy and therapy to life.
Stay tuned for more as this living model continues to grow within and between us.