The Children of the War
Come along on this journey. It might help you see your own… and those of so many around us.
Read or listen… and try to stay a while.
I hear from some people that we’re fighting wars to protect our children. But really... have you ever heard of transgenerational trauma?
I sit with so many who’ve been through a war of their own, not always knowing that it started years before with those who participated in one and never fully came home… if at all.
That includes those who are here now, but were wounded—not just physically but emotionally as well. They aren’t always present, and when they are, you might wish they weren’t.
And let us not forget those who didn't enlist but found themselves in the middle of a war within their own family… and country—one that they’re still fighting.
Many parents never served their country. It can get even more complicated when they did… even when they’re no longer deployed, but their children are.
We tell a lot of stories to ourselves and hear even more to try to make sense of things. But this is one that just doesn't make sense to me… and I’m sure to many of you, too.
If I were king of the world… and I really wouldn’t want to be in that chair, I would try to do whatever I could to prevent a war.
And I think I would start with the children.
I’d want to make sure those children… and their families are given the kind of help they need to deal with what it was like to live in this kind of home. You know, the kind where it felt like a war was happening around them—even though some never noticed it.
And if they did, the pain was often never acknowledged… in either direction.
I wouldn’t tell them that their parents were terrible… even if some of the things they did were. I would really just emphasize that what they did had an impact, and the meaning stayed with them, even if they didn’t know it at the time.
I would say that they were doing the best they could to survive. But the body kept the score, and they don’t have to hold the pain inside and not talk about it anymore… just because their parents couldn't—and acted it out instead.
That makes them loyal to themselves, not disloyal to the ones who didn’t want them to experience what they did, but didn’t know how to prevent it… or how to get the help they needed.
Sound familiar?
I hope that message can help plant some new seeds now and give them the light they need to help them grow inside ourselves and in our families… instead of continuing to fight wars that were never our own.
Yeah… that would be a lot to ask for. But somebody needs to ask... and do something. Then we can all dream that this will be our reality someday… God willing.
That’s all I want to say right now. It’s actually quite a lot to digest in one meal.
It’s a big one with lots of battles—a big war, I guess. Sadly, it’s now around the world… a big beautiful globe with some fresh cracks that are hard to ignore.
After all... winter is already here for some, while others are still spring-bound.
I just want to stay here in the fall a little longer and dream. But I think I need to feel what I need to… and walk through the cold winter, and weather the storm. Maybe dance a little… slipping and sliding along the way.
After all, this is a story about transforming transgenerational trauma… no one left behind.
Don’t worry. I have some good shoes and many great companions… always good to check on your own, too.
Notice what you feel now.
Listen to the music inside and between… and we’ll talk some more.
Afternotes
Dedication: To all those on this journey of heart, moving from room to room, remembering themselves—and who we are together, even when we feel alone or lost in a crowd… or don’t hear so well anymore.
Gratitude: With appreciation for those who have shared their light and sweetness with me over the years—and received mine in return. Here’s to all of you… raising my can of ōl brew as we sit together once again.
Confidentiality note: This piece was inspired by people close to my heart, but is a composite of many people I know—inside and outside of therapy. Any resemblance to your own life or our shared experiences is coincidental, yet perhaps not surprising. Our stories often echo one another in the fabric of human experience.
Comments or questions? You’re welcome to reach me at mcecilvt@aol.com. Feel free to share these words—and this blog—with anyone you hold close… or long to be closer to.
Challenge: Notice your growing edge and hang out there a bit. See what you notice and share it with someone close to your heart. You can sprinkle in a little Marc if you like. Better yet, share some of your own gifts, too.
About me: Besides being a writer, Marc Cecil is a doctoral-level licensed psychologist, certified AEDP supervisor, approved EMDR consultant, and senior CSRT consultant. An experienced psychotherapist, supervisor, consultant, and teacher, Marc uses an integrated experiential model called Core Self Integration Therapy (CSIT)—grounded in our capacity for adaptive change—to help people heal from complex relational, developmental, and transgenerational trauma. Some refer to it as Elephant Work—standing solidly in the healing power of accompaniment.
Dr. Cecil lives in Vermont near the shores of Lake Bomoseen, where his heartfelt stories and images of connection arise from the light of invisibility—bringing life to therapy and therapy to life.
Stay tuned for more—as this living model continues to grow—with self-compassion leading the way around the world… and back home.
Office address and phone: 65 North Main Street, Rutland, Vermont 05701, USA, +1 802-236-9512.